TOWIE - 3rd April 2011

Warning! This programme contains flash cars, big watches and Amy Childs in a teeny weeny bikini. The tans you see might be fake, but the people are all real, although some of what they do has been set up purely for your entertainment. 

So, believe it or not were on to episode 5 already! Crazy times! 

Previously:

• Amy chose Paloma has her new assistant in the beauty salon and gave her a make over. She looks dreadful. 
• Kirk broke up with Lauren Pope. It was sad times. 
• Lydia's crazy mam picked on poor Arg. 
• Joey Essex tried it on with Lucy yet again, and failed miserably yet again.
• Chloe revealed she has a daughter. I had to pick my jaw of the floor. 
• Arg continues to battle his weight issues.
• Lauren cooked Mark's family a meal and then Mark left to create drama. Wonderful. 

Cue titles. 

Here's what happened: 

• Amy tries on some clothes in Minnies (Sam and Billie's shop) and we learn a new phrase. 'Skank out'. I hope it catches on. 
• Kirk's pervy dad bought him a car. More reason to dislike them.
• Lauren has coffee with her sister Nicola and they talk about shit. I'm beginning to bore myself! 
• Back to Amy and her huge boobs which cause problems when trying clothes on. You can't help but laugh really. 
• Lauren Pope moans to Maria about Kirk. 
• Ew. It's Gemma. or Pointless Gemma as I like to call her because she is in fact pointless and vile. Kirk shows up in his new car like a pimp or something and talks to Amy and PG while they stand in the rain. He's lovely. MORE reason to dislike him. 
• Arg tries on some of Mark's clothes as he sits their randomly shirtless and insults him. SUCH A GOOD FRIEND. 
• Lydia's making some sort of photo album full of her and Arg while her scary mam irons. The Life <3 
• Time to party bitches! Mark reckons he's in love with Lauren. Nar. He's a knob basically and I'm gonna stop listening to what he says. AND THE A BOMBSHELL DROPS. Mark says Arg has been cheating on Lydia? :o
• Amy tells Kirk he needs to go into a black room and meditate. Brilliant. 
• Chloe and Joey Essex ask each other what various body parts are saying about them. It's all very odd. Also he reckons he's gonna try his luck with Lucy again. Chloe doesn't look optimistic.
• Speaking of, Kirk tries it on with Lucy and apparently succeeds because he's a man not a boy like Joey. No Lucy, he's a knob jockey, don't say I didn't warn you!
• Maria gets a massage from Paloma while Amy sits and chats about boobs and this new fake tan which you inject and it turns you orange. How horrifying. Oh and how Lauren Pope is after the break-up.
• Arg tells Lydia he and his dad have bought a derelict house for them to move into. Arg doesn't know what derelict means. Suddenly out of nowhere they have a huge argument because Lydia feels Arg doesn't love her anymore. FEEL THE NEED TO HUG LYDIA!
• Lauren Pope and Maria are out for drinks. UH OH! Who is this walking through the door? It's only bloody Kirk on a date with Lucy!
• Nanny Pat is showing Mark her wedding photos and they talk about the differences between weddings then and now. Nanny Pat <3
• Back to where the drama is, Kirk tries to talk to Lauren Pope in private but she doesn't want to. She tells him to call the date off and then she'll talk to him. Poor Lucy. Maria starts having a go at him. He calls her an extra. BRILLIANT. Breaking the 4th wall or what! Kirk walks off and then they start having a go at poor Lucy! Maria is totally out of order calling her a slag! Totally unfair! Sad times. Kirk comes back and constantly says he can't do this. GO AWAY and leave poor Lauren Pope alone. Uuugh. 

And that's your lot. Eventful right? What did you guys think? Who's excited for wednesday?

2nd April 2011 Round-Up

So what happened today in the world of celebrity and TV and movies and music and stuff? Glad you asked because here's your daily round up ;)




1. Simon Cowell will appear on our X Factor?


Yeah, I'm sick of hearing about it too, but lets be honest, it's news worthy. There's been lots of talk over the past few months about who will be on the X Factor judging panel on both sides of the Atlantic. So it looks like Simon  WILL continue to judge our version as it was rumoured he wouldn't.

I AM GOD! 

Let's be real here for a second. The UK X Factor would not be the same without our beloved Simon! He's partly the reason we watch it because he's brutally honest with the terrible singers which we all love! Imagine watching the show without his witty comments or his dislike of twins and Louis Walsh! Imagine. How boring would it be? While this is all just hear say, I really don't think Simon will leave us for America. If he can do both shows that would be great. Just nap on the jet yeah?


2. Essex/Blue drama!


I know you have all been watching the new series of TOWIE! And you've been loving it right? So we have a few new characters and one of them being Chloe Sims who just recently revealed she has a child! After i picked my jaw up of the floor, today it was revealed by Simon Webb's (from Blue) girlfriend that she found him in bed with Chloe Sims! DRAMA ALERT! Obviously she decided to sell her story to a newspaper and said she found them her on top of him in their bed and she was devastated. Both Simon Webb and Chloe from Essex deny the accusations from the girl that SOLD HER STORY TO THE NEWSPAPERS EXPOSING HER FAMOUS BOYFRIEND AS A CHEAT JUST BEFORE HE'S ABOUT THE REPRESENT HIS COUNTRY AT EUROVISION. Yeah.


3. Here! The Hangover Part II has a new trailer!


Let's have a deeks:





Amazing. Comes out 27th May 2011 which is actually quite soon so yay! Hands up if your excited?


4. Nicole Scherzinger has gone back to the studio.


Wait! Didn't you just release your debut album? Why are you going back in the studio to record new material when you have an album full of amazing song waiting to be released so I can dance to in the clubs? CLUB BANGER NATION? WET? SAY YES? KILLER LOVER? Anyone of those would do nicely while I'm out in Mushroom having a jug of Skittles with one straw! Just sayin'. If you haven't listened to her album yet, I highly recommend it! It's brilliant! 


And that's it for today! In a bit!